A & W want to adopt

Almost

2011-12-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when an adoption situation comes along and then it doesn't work out, it is referred to as an adoption miscarriage. These can happen early on in the process or at the very last moment possible. Either way there is a loss . . . a grief for what could've been.

We are not strangers to these situations. I stopped counting long before we adopted Leland, and I have never wished to keep track of all the times since.

This time, was a little different. We haven't known how to deal with a situation like this, and there has been a lot of loss.

We were contacted about an emergency placement situation for a baby girl who had a traumatic birth (and special needs resulting from that birth). That same night we were able to get all of our information to the agency (a different one than we have our homestudy through) and talk with the caseworker.

As the night progressed we found out we were the only solid couple (who had everything in order) and that we would be presented to the birth-family in the morning. We would then hear from the doctor, and if the birth-family said yes, we would've needed to leave immediately for the hospital where the baby was at (a very long drive - across a few states).

As it turns out we were the only couple presented to the birth-family (even though several had come forward at this point). However, they did not have time to make a choice as the doctor came bearing bad news.

The very young birthmother was still in the hospital (c-section and complications). And the baby needed to be moved to another hospital's NICU so that they could better care for her. Up until then, she was doing ok. But, as they tried to move her the baby took a turn for the worst.

We didn't hear anything for several hours.

And then . . . the caseworker informed us they were leaving, as there would not be an adoption to proceed with unless the baby miraculously survived (their agency was also in a different state).

We were crushed.

Along with our grief, I couldn't stop worrying about this tiny baby. I kept imagining her slipping away surrounded by horrible machines and cold hands. I sincerely hope that she was not alone, or that if her young birthmother was released in time to be there, that she also did not have to deal with it all alone.

It was a horrible weekend.

Sunday afternoon the baby girl passed away.

People have told us it is probably for the best. But, I think that devalues her life. Would you say the same things had we given birth ourselves?

I believe life has more meaning than that, you can't trade one situation for another. And, that little girl's mission in life may have only been to receive a body . . . but, we would've loved her if she'd had the chance to stay awhile. No matter how severe her special needs may have been.

So, we are mourning a loss not only for a possible family, but for the possible life that little girl could've had.

Fail . . . and a Request

2011-11-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

So, I apparently failed at the National Adoption Month challenge.

But, as a last ditch effort to get one more thing said before this month is over, I have a personal request for all of you.

It was recently pointed out to me that we have a grammatical error in our profile on the 'It's About Love' website. Although that may not seem like a big deal to you, it is something that would bother me. So, here is what I want:

Take a minute to look at our profile (think like a prospective birthparent for me),
and tell me one thing you like about our profile
and one thing we could improve.
go here to see the profile

(you can facebook a message to me, comment here, or email me at aandw2adopt@yahoo.com)

I really want to know.

I have been writing little bios, birthparent letters, and messages like this for a long time and I am feeling like a broken record.

So, on behalf of our latest attempts to find our next adoption - please help us out, go ahead and give us a little constructive criticism.

Adoption Awareness Month

2011-11-02T14:56:00.000-06:00

November is National

Adoption

Awareness Month.

In an effort to raise awareness, give information, and advocate for adoption there is a blog effort going on this year . . . to post something about adoption every day this month. (It is for everyone to participate - not just families directly effected by adoption)

I tried to participate in 2009 (Click here to see those posts).

But, I am not going to participate this year. (We are in the middle of boxing up all of our belongings, and moving into our new house very soon)
However, I will try to keep linking up to interesting things I read or see.

(And since I missed yesterday completely - and probably will miss many days to come, you get two things today)

First, (don't forget to pause the blog music - scroll down to the bottom of the page)

Second,
Go see Mrs. R (here) and look at all the blogs (at the bottom of the post) who are participating in the blog challenge for Adoption Awareness.

So Close

2011-10-18T21:02:00.000-06:00

We almost had a baby . . .
almost.

And, it's ok.
At least we tried, right?

A situation presented itself during Leland's surgery/hospital stay.
{interesting timing, but we didn't care}

It was an emergency placement situation, and the baby needed a home immediately . . . and we were available, qualified, and more than a little interested. I won't go into it all, but certain details were tugging at our heartstrings.

In the end, we were not considered because of our religion. Because we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) a.k.a. "Mormons"

We were pretty upset, but the truth is - it probably happened this way for a reason.
We want an open adoption, which means we want some communication with the birth-family. And, if they dislike our beliefs, it probably wouldn't have been a good relationship with them anyway.

So, it really is alright . . . just a little bit sad.

oh, and if you want to know more about what we believe - click here

Forget Me Not

2011-09-26T17:11:00.000-06:00

William and I have had a conversation many times over the last few months, about the loneliness and despair that we sometimes feel when it comes to not being blessed with another child yet.

We try really hard to not base our happiness on that "golden ticket."

Sometimes we feel guilty that we have been blessed with Leland, and yet our hearts still long for another, when some long for so much more.

But lately, we've been feeling ourselves slip into that pattern of hurting constantly for the child we know is meant to join our family someday. We feel that emptiness with everyday that passes.

And as happy as we have been for all our family and friends who have been blessed with babies/children (and there have been a lot of you over the last several months/years) . . .

we have been feeling very much like we've been forgotten.

So, this last Saturday as President Uchtdorf began his talk, it only took the name of that tiny flower before I was crying.

I know that I needed to hear everything he said (as I know much of you felt the same way, for whatever reasons).

I know that He remembers me, even when sometimes it doesn't feel that way. And, I guess I just need to learn to be happy for awhile longer without our next "golden ticket."

click here to listen to the talk yourself

Approved

2011-09-08T09:29:00.001-06:00

Our homestudy with LDS Family Services is now complete,
and we are officially published!

{Our LDS Family Services profile}

With this, comes the time for us to again plead with all our family, friends, and anyone reading this; that you help us make our dreams come true.

We are dreaming of a new adventure in adoption. We are hoping to welcome a new little one into our forever family.

Helping us spread the word, just might help us find the right potential birth-parents (or help them find us).

So please, take a minute and post about us on your blog, facebook, or other websites. (Feel free to link to this blog)

Take a minute to grab our "blog button" and post it to your website (if you haven't already).

And, help us get the word out there by talking about is if/when you come across someone who might be willing to consider adoption. (I have pass-along cards that can help you with this sometimes awkward moment)

If you have any questions, might be considering adoption yourself, or need some of those pass-along cards . . .

(trust me you will want one BEFORE you find yourself in a conversation and don't have it)

e-mail us at aandw2adopt@yahoo.com

Kisses in The Wind

2011-08-28T20:16:00.000-06:00

KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child's Lullabye)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

- © Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

Letter from a Birthmother

2011-08-10T07:00:00.002-06:00

*Be sure to pause the blog music (at the bottom) before playing the video.

Anyone? Anyone?

2011-08-05T18:22:00.000-06:00

We now have a Frequently Asked Questions page! (link above)

That, and a new widget for asking questions anonymously (Formspring widget, on the sidebar).

All in hopes of making things a little easier for prospective birth parents to view, and find out all they need to know about us.

Check it out and
let us know what you think (and if you want, ask us a question too!)

Marjorie Pay Hinckley

2011-08-03T09:25:00.001-06:00

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

of another

2011-08-02T09:18:00.001-06:00

Homestudy Update

2011-08-01T09:17:00.001-06:00

We've been pretty busy lately.

Leland's got some health issues, our foster daughter (who we were hoping to adopt) went home, we are in the middle of building a house,

. . . and yet we are crazy enough that we are also working on our new homestudy with LDS Family services too!

We did all the preliminary paperwork, paid our initial fee, and picked up a little black folder with the majority of paperwork (references, medical reports, fingerprinting info, etc etc.) for us to complete.

So, stick with us we've got more work to do . . . but, if all goes well we will be approved very soon!

FB Page

2011-06-23T18:13:00.000-06:00

We have a facebook page (in addition to a facebook group, but using it will hopefully be much easier to help spread the word). So, visit us and be sure to "LIKE" us while you're there!

Check It Out ------------------------------------------------------- >

A Placement Video

2011-05-11T06:56:00.000-06:00

This is by far the most beautiful Placement video I have ever seen. You can see the emotion in every shot. I dare you not to cry!

from http://myangelsfromgod.blogspot.com/

Connections

2011-04-28T10:57:00.002-06:00

An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet,
regardless of time, place, or circumstance.
The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.

--- An ancient Chinese belief

Strong

2011-04-17T21:28:00.000-06:00

Just The Same

2011-04-04T10:21:00.000-06:00

Sometimes—
God sends rain
Straight from the sky
To nourish the young flower
and it grows.
 

Sometimes—
God sends rain from the sky
To the mountaintops,
Then over hills and through valleys
Until it reaches the flower
and it grows, just the same.
 

Sometimes—
God sends a child
Straight from His realm
Into a mother’s arms
and love grows.
 

Sometimes—
God sends a child
From heaven to another’s arms,
Then over hills and through valleys
Until he reaches the arms of his mother
and love grows, just the same.
 
by:  Diana Lynn Lacey 
 
 
*featured in the April 2011 Ensign Magazine (a publication of the LDS church)!
 Also featured was a great article entitled "Faith and Infertility."
 

Gift of Life

2011-03-25T09:30:00.000-06:00

"I didn't give you the gift of life,
but in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
as if it had been so.
For us to have each other,
is like a dream come true.
No, I didn't give you the gift of life,
life gave me the gift of you."

-Author Unknown

The Waiting Place

2011-03-14T13:54:00.000-06:00

"You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place . . .

. . . for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting."

Dr. Seuss
Oh The Places You'll Go

"Luck"

2011-02-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

by Pamela Espeland and Marilyn Nelson

"I didn't come out of my mother.
I don't have my father's green eyes,
No one in my family looks like me.
People are always surprised.

I think we're a happier family
than if we were all kings and queens.
We're so lucky we all found each other.
That's what being adopted means."

The Legacy of a Child in an Open Adoption

2011-02-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

By Brenda Romanchick

Once there were two expectant mothers.
One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart
She became your Birthmother.
The other carried the hope of you within her.
She became your Mom.
As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,
Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your birth.
Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:
your questions answered,
your boo boos bandaged,
your heartaches soothed,
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:
answers to your questions,
your image in the mirror,
a part of yourself,
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.

I Would Die For That

2011-02-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

*before clicking play be sure to pause the blog music (scroll down to the bottom of the blog)

Kelly Coffey's "I Would Die For That"

Jenny was my best friend.

Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

Grown In My Heart

2011-01-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

" 'You don't love me!' A little girl said angrily.

'Of course I do, honey." The mother said as she kissed her on the cheek. 'Why ever would you doubt that?'

'The kids at school said that because I am adopted, you can't love me like a real mother.'

The mother looked the little girl in the eyes and said: 'You know there is only one difference between you being born to me and being adopted. You know what it is?'

The little girl was quiet for a moment and then asked in a sulky voice. 'What?'

'Being adopted only means that instead of you growing in my tummy, you grew in my heart.' "

-Author Unknown

{My personal favorite}

"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Author: Fleur Conkling Heylinger

New Homestudy

2011-01-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

We had some issues with a certain agency not accepting our current homestudy (a "fost-to-adopt" homestudy that was given director approval to be used for private adoption).

Anyway, we really feel like we need to change directions anyway. We really want to adopt, and sometimes the reality of foster care is anything but adoption friendly.

We are still foster parents, and make no guarantees that we wouldn't accept the challenge to help these kids.

However, we have decided it is time to again focus our adoption efforts with LDS Family Services as well.

So, we met this week with our local LDSFS to discuss fees and the new requirements (they've changed a few things since we last worked with them). It's going to take some time, but it appears that we might be working with them again pretty soon.

Construction Update

2011-01-17T13:30:00.001-07:00

We're on our way back . . .
We are trying to search out some options, and make some decisions. Hopefully we will be able to re-launch our adoption efforts very soon.

In the meantime, please consider helping out. You can donate to our adoption fund (which will go towards a new homestudy and other adoption related costs). To donate see the link on our sidebar (upper-right side of our blog) or e-mail us.

Our Family is ALWAYS Under Construction!

2010-10-10T18:16:00.000-06:00

We've been feeling discouraged lately. We feel we need to take a break from "Actively" searching for our family. We've been trying to have kids for 6 years and counting (Which I know is nothing compared to others) but this is our life and we can't invest time, money, and emotions into it any longer. Our son's adoption will always be a wonderful blessing to us. But, until further notice we will not be spending our time networking, blogging, facebooking, or bugging friends/family/complete strangers about our desire to adopt.

Our family is always under construction, and we shall see when/if things change in the future.
Questions or comments, please send an e-mail to Alicia at aandw2adopt@yahoo.com

and keep checking back, just in case, we change our minds :)

Foster Parents to be

2010-04-06T15:21:00.007-06:00

We're on our way to becoming foster parents. We have classes to take, and requirements to fill before we can be approved . . . but, we're excited for this new adventure. And, I'm gonna be writing about it on our family blog (click here to read our foster care adventures).

In the meantime, we are still interested in adopting. So, read all about us. Ask us questions. Get to know us, and if you're interested in talking to us . . . here's some ways you can contact us directly:

leave a comment on this post, but leave an e-mail address or someway for me to respond to you

email me: aandw2adopt@yahoo.com

facebook group: William and Alicia Want to Adopt (feel free to join, and you can leave a message or comment)

New Button

2010-02-25T13:42:00.002-07:00

I got bored of our old adoption blog 'button,' so I made a new one. If you have our old button on your blog, please update. If you don't have it, please consider adding our button to your blog. Take a look at the right sidebar of this blog, copy and paste the code into your html/javascript. (If you need help with it, just ask)

December 2009, Family Pictures

2009-12-15T16:25:00.004-07:00

Here's a look at our family (click to play):

Make a Smilebox slideshow

If you are interested in us as adoptive parents, or want to know more, e-mail me (Alicia) at aandw2adopt@yahoo.com

If you're not ready to make contact yet, feel free to check out our family blog here (to get to know us a little more)

If you want to help support our efforts in spreading the word (about us wanting to adopt);
join our facebook group here
or
request adoption pass-along cards by e-mailing me (again that's at: aandw2adopt@yahoo.com)